I have come to believe it is not. I think it is a label we give to ourselves or others when we cannot do what they want. As a society we have learnt that to be selfless is to please others. I don’t think we should please others at the expense of our own needs. When we take care of our selves we feel energised and a lot happier. From that place we are able to do more for others, and we will probably be doing it with pleasure rather then grudgingly.
I have learnt this from my own experience; when I was pleasing others all the time. I was feeling exhausted. I did not know how to say NO. I did not have time to do what I enjoyed doing, or if I did I would feel guilty, and that made me feel tired, because my mind was not at peace. Now that I have learnt to say no, I am so much happier and I have more energy to be there for others. I might be doing less, but it is more Quality rather than Quantity.
When you first start saying NO it is quite difficult, because you feel awkward, you feel people will not like you, they will judge you as selfish, you should be helping others. But the more you remind yourself that if you take care of YOU, then you will be much stronger and happier helping other people. It is like the message we hear when we are traveling in an aeroplane – we are told always to put our own oxygen mask on first—without that you are absolutely not going to be able to help others. This is what happens in everyday life we are gradually depleting our own energy; we are not really fully there for others.
So my suggestion to you would be to say NO when you want to. Say it in a way where you are expressing your need to take care of yourself as you will not be able to give them your best and that would really be a disservice to them. If they love and care for you they will understand, and if they don’t, then I wonder if you really want them in your life.
Do not say YES when you want to say NO – this is detrimental to your health and happiness.
Helping you discover the Freedom to Be YOU,
Azmina